Welcome, Welcome Sabbath Morning

Our morning started bright and early at 5:30. Miss barky pants, aka Rukia, started to whine and cry. Now this is nothing too new. If we both happen to wake up in the morning and she sees this she will start to whine a little. She wants to play, go outside, go potty or just jump into the bed with us.

As for the "hair free zone" Rukia has wiggled her way back into our room. She sleeps on the floor though and it has worked out nicely. Anyone with a golden doodle will tell you that they don't do well if they can't be with you. She follows us from room to room and won't go outside and play on the patio with the cats unless we are there. She's a people dog. Anyways... back to this morning.

So as usual, we petted her a little then Chad kicked her out of the room so she could huff and puff on her own, get bored, and then go back to sleep smashed up against our bedroom door. Instead the lovely aroma off poop wafted into our room 2 minutes later. Apparently home girl wasn't kidding with all that whining. But that's what happens when you've been crying wolf.

So at 5:45 we are cleaning up dog poo, washing the carpet, taking her outside to poo some more and trying to get the poo smell out of room. In all fairness, Chad was mostly in charge of this while I sleepily watched and stood around.

But wait.... there's more. Mad that I was up at 5:45 with dog poop all over our stairs, I decided to sleep in as long as possible. The sun was shining through our windows, birds chirping and the breeze was perfect. Finally I peeled my butt out of bed around 11. I stumbled into our bathroom and stepped into... dog vomit. But not just vomit. Dog throw up that had been covered up by the bathroom rug. Our poor pup feels so bad when she gets sick in the house now (diarrhea, vomit, poo) that if she's given enough time she will try to hide it.

I see her curled up in the corner by the stairs giving me the saddest puppy dog eyes and between the eyes and the cover up attempt I can't manage to be mad at the poor sick girl. So I start a load of laundry and throw in the two rugs from the bathroom, clean up the vomit that's covering the bathroom floor and take her outside to poo some more. Because there's nothing worse than cleaning up diarrhea off carpeting. Or maybe there is, I don't know, I'm not a mom, just a fur-mom. We head back inside where I then have to wipe her poopy butt like a little baby, proceeding to get more poo all over me again.

So congratulations to all of you with kids out there, you can stop laughing now :)  I really don't know how you handle all the sick kids you have... or the potty training... or the bed wetting...  or any of that really. Because I can barely handle my dog.

Exorcist Needed ASAP

 
My work phone is possessed. By what? Satan most likely. Unless I'm calling a local number it is almost impossible to get through. Let me paint you a picture.

Once a month the Doctor goes to this small, tiny, little town in Nevada. I've obviously never been to this ridiculously small town but I've heard the stories. The most fabulous and ridiculous stories of the most crazy and insane people. The Doctor went to help someone take of their shoes so he could trim their nails and guess what he found in the shoes? Go ahead, guess.

Poop

No lie. Not some animal poo on the outside that maybe they had stepped in. Human poo. INSIDE the shoe. Classy. These people are uber classy. I'm assuming that you've all got a nice picture of this town in your lovely heads now. Moving on!

So, it is my job to call these patients and set up appointments for them when their turn is up. They obviously cannot be trusted to call and make their own appointments. Most of these patients are older, most of them are confused about what I'm calling about, most of them claim they don't see this Doctor, and most of them apparently poop in their shoes.

But before I even get to have these glorious conversations with these glorious people I have to actually get through to them on Satan's phone. I'll break down how it works:

Attempt #1:   "Your call cannot be completed as dialed, please hang up and try again"

Attempt #2:   "The number you are dialing has been disconnected"  (no it hasn't!)

Attempt #3:   The phone starts to ring! YES! Then complete silence after the first and only ring. NO!

Attempt #4:    Silence

Attempt #5:    Ringing, followed with the above confusing conversation. Did I mention that I'm yelling my part of the conversation because apparently no one can hear and no one owns hearing aids. It's a good time.

This is actually a pretty good representation of how EVERY SINGLE call goes. Every call takes an average of 5 times to finally go through, some more, some less. Not time consuming at all. And sometimes my phone decides to go even more berserk.

I'll finally get a hold of someone and while I can hear them, they can't hear me. Sigh.

Ringing.... Silence... Busy signal

Busy signal.... Ringing..... Silence

Ringing.... Ringing... Loud, horrible, ear piercing tone

*My Personal Favorite* The phone will be ringing and someone will answer. Then as soon as I try to respond the phone will start ringing again. What the freaking heck is going on?

Clearly Satan's phone doesn't like this town either. I think I need an exorcist.